About two years ago, I wrote a reflection on how I felt like time had slipped away from me after a year in university. The last part of it said, "Personally, as I begin this new academic year, I aim to work more on self-awareness and personal development. Time deceived me once, but it won’t deceive me twice." Wow, what a bold statement! Haha…I laughed when I read the last part because it seems that it could have been said about last year as well, or doubly this year.
In a week, I will be graduating with a BEng (Honours) Chemical Engineering degree. I mean, that is crazy! Time ticked away in a blink. It feels like yesterday when we were rushing to those galling chemistry labs and doing the never-ending weekly tutorials in the first and second year. Late nights, early classes, last-minute submissions, and excruciatingly challenging exams could all add up to what often felt like reliving a traumatic experience. Most days were characterised by stress and anxiety, two words I probably didn’t know until coming to uni. Even on your freest and ostensibly happiest days, irrational guilt and anxious thoughts would surface.The unfortunate part is that most times, those emotions and thoughts are not true, but they are certainly valid and can drag you down to your lowest point. In short, the past four years have been tough. That I am graduating now is a blessing; however trivial it might seem.
"Sometimes the hardest battles exist in our minds." Unknown
It’s not possible to precisely know what make things work the way they do, but I believe that we can always draw out lessons and memories from experiences. Below I wanted to highlight mine from my uni time.
Friendships and a community with shared interests can be a family away from home:
Being away from what is familiar and certain, such as family and friends, can be frightening. As social beings, this isolation leaves a void that we seek to fill. It was for me. As a result, I believe it is every student's hope to discover a new community that will make them feel at home again. But in a huge community like a university, with all kinds of personalities, this can be challenging and perplexing. What was previously natural now appears to need conscious intent. This might take you on a wild ride, causing you to re-evaluate your life and ideals. And I believe that not being able to deal with this abrupt transition might make your university life either painfully miserable and lonely, or 'interesting' but hollow. Unfortunately, I've realised that doing it all correctly is probably impossible. But I am pleased that over the course of four years, I was able to strike a balance that worked for me.
I didn't make as many friends as I would have liked, but I did make enough wonderful ones who have impacted my life and made this adventure more enjoyable than it would have been otherwise. We don't chat or hang out as much with some of them, but we've developed an understanding that lets us all feel at ease and appreciate each other. We also come through for each other in tough times. The MasterCard Foundation (MCF) family has been a significant part of this. Yes, like in every society, it has not been possible to be close to everyone even within the MCF, but I consider myself fortunate to have such a large and awesome family of scholars from all over the world. There is a whole lot more people, like classmates, lecturers, and mentors, who have played a pivotal role in making my time less painful
"We've succeeded as a [human] species because of our ability to form cultures," not because of size or might. Simon Sinek [Start With Why]
Know what you don’t know and ask questions:
Typically, I don't consider myself to be particularly intelligent. Not because I don't want to be, or that I'm trying to be polite, but I think I I'm just fascinated by and interested in a wide range of topics. I also ask a lot of questions. I came to understand that admitting ignorance is liberating and allows you the freedom to interact with others. Most people genuinely want to help others too. It has also helped me appreciate other people’s abilities. Ray Dalio has been a great influence for me in acknowledging what you don't know and seeking help when you need it. Albert Einstein is quoted saying something similar:
"If I had an hour to solve a problem, I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions." Albert Einstein
Network and build relationships that matter:
This is one of my most important lessons. According to Harvey Coleman's book Empowering Yourself, The Organisational Game Revealed, success is based on three key elements described by the P.I.E theory of success. To succeed, you must perform (P) extremely well, establish and cultivate a proper image (I), and expose (E) yourself to the right people, in the right way, at the right time. Surprisingly, the three elements carry a weighting of about 10%, 30%, and 60% respectively. For good reason, this has been a tough notion to be comfortable with for me—and I believe for many other Africans, for a good reason. I believe the success culture I was familiar with was almost completely centred on the P. The I makes us feel bashful or boastful, and the E makes us feel uneasy (and resentful of people that portray it). We typically generalise non-P-based success as nepotism, corruption, favouritism, injustice, criminality, and so on. While all of that may be true, and P is undoubtedly vital (particularly for getting your foot in the door), networking and professional connections are critical components of business and success in general. This is something I wish I had known much sooner. And it’s not just about asking for help from people; it’s about building meaningful relationships and cultivating them. This, together with your interests, make you stand out in an environment where everyone is brilliant. It's also beneficial to your overall development.
"Networking is working." Denise Morrison, former CEO of Campbell Soup Company
Baby steps work, trust the process:
Many people say that I am generally calm and unfazed in difficult or uncomfortable circumstances. Well, I'm not sure about that. Perhaps I am. But I believe a portion of it stems from my degree. In chemical engineering, you learn to be okay with things not going your way. You learn to work with extremely few resources and knowledge. You have no clue what your degree is about at times, but you take each day and topic as it comes, and it all makes sense and works with time. I think I have also just learnt to put higher value on myself, realising that giving my best to everything is about me (my WHY) and if something doesn't work out, I can evolve and adapt at any point (without changing my WHY).
There are a lot of things I could ramble on about, but this is already getting too long, so I'll stop here. Oh, and yes, my last reflection piece wasn’t completely useless. The self-awareness bit is magical, it has saved me so much emotional energy! Anyway, more on that later. I'm not sure if I’m graduating in one piece, but I do know that the pieces are more exquisite and beautiful. They are more prepared for the next adventure. To be revisited…
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